“Living together before marriage- can you imagine a bigger sin?”
Ah, yes! Yes, I can. But that’s a rant for another time.
Living-in is a big decision. And you shouldn’t consider it just because your parents believe their child in a live-in would cause the sun to explode, oceans to boil, and the end of the world as we know it.
The overbearing population aside, live-in is a part of relationships. It’s got its advantages and drawbacks. But, “what will people say” is not a viable enough reason to throw the idea in the dustbin.
Before you consider if live-in is the right next step for you and your partner, let me tell you why I think it’s worth the chance.
- Know your partner inside-out
Every party puts their best foot forward when you have limited access to them. It’s human nature. But when you live together, you get to see things you wouldn’t have otherwise.
She hates pepperoni on her pizza. You often wake up to her coding at night. She’s just unable to share chocolates.
He always gets up after midnight for a snack. He wakes up with you snaked around him almost every morning. He can’t stand how you invite over every dog you meet.
Live-in relationships open doors to really knowing your partner. Their likes and dislikes, pet peeves – you get to glimpse who they are on a regular, boring, uneventful Friday night just as much as when you go out on a five-star date with them.
- You have a roommate, with benefits
If you’re already spending a lot of your time with your partner, moving in is the cost-effective method for both of you. You’ll share:
- Rent
- Groceries
- Dinner bills, and
- Money
You earn, you spend. You share expenses for the facilities you both use. You save more as well. And you’ll always have someone to come home to.
Does that sound so bad?
- A sudden avalanche of responsibilities? Not so much
Marriage is very much synonymous with responsibility, especially in India.
If you directly jump into a marriage. You don’t merely marry a guy or a girl – you marry into a family. You’ve got expectations, duties, parents, in-laws and a changed life.
And to top it, you have a spouse that you still need to befriend, never mind spending a lifetime with.
In a live-in, you have a partner whom you know well. The basic understanding is – we take one change at a time and adjust accordingly.
There is no flood of life-changes that you must handle. Responsibilities are mutually discussed and accepted or discarded.
- Compatibility check? Yes, please!
It’s the best part of a live-in. You are free to walk out if you can see that things aren’t working well. The break-up could be ugly, or smooth, depending on how you handle it.
It’s a no-fuss, minimal-mess method to check whether or not two people are compatible.
Try getting out of marriage. The paperwork alone would tire your soul.
Try live-in- the drawbacks aren’t sensible enough to not try it anyway.
I often wonder, you may have too, why two consenting adults living together ruffles the feathers of a majority of our delightful Indian population.
The replies – “But, there is no social responsibility!”, “What if he takes advantage of you and runs away?”, “She is using you for money, can’t you see?”, “What face would we have left in the society?”, “Because he’s an engineer and you’re a nurse- where’s the match?”.
And the time-tested classic, “What would the neighbors think?”.
Like I said, not sensible enough!
Opt for a live-in if you want to. The social stigma can be paralyzing. Don’t let it hold you back.
If your partner is the one you like, trust, and see some of your future with, go ahead!
Keyword: live in before marriage
