Feedback Email By Aakshey

Guys,

Aakshey this side.

I apologise for our past rejections. I was unable to convey how the Perry tool was to be used. Please STOP using it with immediate effect. Go back to writing the way you were writing earlier.

The team as a whole has misinterpreted what I meant when I said to write at Grade 5. What we have delivered has lost us precious clients. And I take the full blame. Stop using the Perry tool, like yesterday.

I’ll pay you in full for all your rejected work. And we will make this right for our clients going forward. Because it was all my fault.

Please find below the checklist that you need to follow for all future work, for all clients:

You’re writing for mature, educated and smart adults. They are your target audience. You’re NOT writing for 10 yr olds. You need to talk intelligently and not mention obvious stuff. They know all that!

Use a witty writing style. Use sarcasm, satire, tongue in cheek humour. Use pun. Make the reader think. Be complete and specific. But raise the bar. Talk to mature and smart college educated adults. Talk smartly.

You have to talk in a conversational manner. But while educating your reader of stuff they don’t know. Don’t mention obvious stuff that is targeted at kids. Your readers are educated and smart adults. They want to know stuff that the average person doesn’t know.

Talk like an expert on the subject. And talk on complicated subjects. Advanced concepts. Try to explain it like you’d explain it to your 25 yr old friend. Not how you’d explain it to your 10 yr old niece. Talk of stuff that is rare and difficult to research. And stuff that passionate 25-30 yr olds could get fascinated about. Don’t assume they know complicated concepts, you’ll need to explain all that to them. But in a mature manner. You don’t need to explain basic stuff to them.

Use flowery vocabulary. Use difficult words. Colorful language. Jazzy words. Difficult slang. And do that in a witty and clever manner. Don’t write for PHDs, but for college educated 25 yr olds who are earning six figure salaries.

Stop using the Perry Tool. You can consider using it for You:Me. But that is it. Don’t use it. It is fine if you use 12-15 words per sentence on an average.

2-4 sentence paragraphs are fine. Don’t go beyond 4 sentences though.

Don’t write for 10 yr olds. Write for 25 yr olds. Don’t write for teenagers. Don’t use words like ‘gross’ that teenagers use. Don’t talk of stuff a 25 yr old already knows. Talk of what they don’t know. Talk of stuff that can excite them. Talk smartly. Be clear. Be specific. But talk what smart adults want to learn. Not kindergarten basics. Everybody knows all that. Talk stuff they don’t know nothing about.

Don’t worry. I’ll be paying you for all the rejected content.

But. Going forward we need to fix this.

So anything that you submit onwards of now, has to take into consideration the above.

Case Studies – Examples of where we went wrong

There is no concrete evidence available yet, that these plastic compounds can cause cancer. However, we do know plastic is unnatural and that it is clearly handled.

Everybody knows that plastic is unnatural and how it is handled. Writing this is insulting the intelligence of the reader. Would you tell this to you 25 year old buddy?
No.

It is not fun to be sick. What if you already have the ingredients to make a miracle tea?

Again. This is okay if you’re writing for a kindergarten audience. But would you write like this for a 25 yr old college educated adult who works as an engineer or banker?

People get the disease when someone else spreads the virus in the air.

Again. You’re insulting the intelligence of the reader. Would you like to read this on Forbes.com? Of course not!

Cancer: Itโ€™s a big, scary disease that takes lives every day.

A cute way to scare a 3 yr old. But this isn’t what you write when you’re teaching a MS 1st year student.

What makes this fruit core so powerful? Itโ€™s a vitamin. B17.

I won’t write this way for a 25 yr old audience.

Doctors have told us that vaccines are good. They can save your life. They are also the main way that we can fight debilitating and fatal diseases.

You’re not their mommy trying to preach them. You need to convince your 20-25 yr old buddy why life insurance could be critical. For example. Would you do it this way?

Bodies are weird and kind of gross.

The readers are no longer in high school. They aren’t teenagers.

Avoiding sleep keeps you up later, forcing your body to sleep less.

What does this tell you? Who doesn’t know this?

I know you’ve worked very hard. And I really really appreciate that.

And I’ll be paying you for your work. And giving you a lot of other work very soon.

I’ll even try to add a tiny bonus if possible.

But. We need to win back our good old clients.

We need to fix this. You need to fix this.

Going forward, keep the above in mind before you write a single sentence.

Assume you’re writing for a college educated and mature adult who is in their 20s or 30s and earning mid five figure or low six figure salaries.

An adult who is either a Bachelor or Masters and is working in a good corporate job.

Talk smartly. Don’t talk stuff they know. Talk to them like you’d talk to your friend. And talk of stuff they’d be curious to know about.

Use flowery language. Colourful vocab. Pun. Wit. Humour. Sarcasm. Satire. Be clever. Don’t over do it. But do it naturally. Use words that will catch their attention. Be jazzy.
You’re writing for an audience that is in their 20s/30s/40s. Not adolescents or teenagers.

I’m sure you’ll nail it this time. I’m banking on you.

Wait for the next email from Jo.

She has an off today. She will get back to you within 16-30 hrs tops. Make sure you have understood this email by then.

And do remember, don’t overdo it. But don’t under do it either.

Forget about Perry. I couldn’t explain what I had in mind. Let us move further without that tool for the most part.

Looking forward to doing business with you. Lots of it. Soon.

All the best, God Bless!

Thanks

Aakshey
Weaving Thoughts

P.S. I take full blame for this. You’re not to blame. I am. ๐Ÿ™

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Sample Article By Aakshey

http://pokerandbridge.blogspot.in/

Last Post: 4th March 2016

Active Since: May 2008

Profile Views : > 150,000

Memphis MOJO is a very active blogger who juggles his time between Memphis and Florida.

What will strike you when you first MM’s blog is his love for images. You’ll probably find his blog to be as much about pics as the actual content itself.

His writing style is crisp and clean. He writes to the point. And that makes his posts a light and casual read.

He talks about more than merely Bridge or Poker, unlike what the URL suggests.

His blog also talks a great deal about sports, fantasy and otherwise; Boom beaches and of course, photography. His love for photography is evident from the many pics on his blog.

Most of his blog posts don’t have too much content. But they are well structured and illustrated with suitable pics. And that really adds to the reader’s overall experience.

He has paid great attention to detail and yet managed to convey the right emotions about how he feels about something, by using colourful vocabulary. The blog posts are detailed without being overly wordy or complicated.

In short, MOJO has done well at writing a blog that has a tongue in cheek style humour and is witty enough to hold your interest.

P.S. MM’s recent posts about his Costa Rica trip really add a personal touch and interactive feel for you, as a reader.

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Sales Reminder Email (Demo – Aakshey)

Dear Ashish and Sanjay,

You now have a new time bound offer. That expires on 31st March 2016.

In case you’re still interested, that is.

The price hasn’t been reduced. And nor have the terms changed.

But.

I’ll add in something else. Something that could really help you. Perhaps. And is worth more than what you’re being charged for the entire project. And you can get that without paying a penny extra.

What is it, you’re probably wondering. Coming to that now.

I’ll personally write an email series for you. One, that you could use to contact your vendors via email to book a meeting.

It will probably be a series of 3-5 emails or so, short ones at that. But optimised for conversion.

Something that won’t alarm your prospect and work step by step to put your point across.

A good email series can really help your business. If you contact vendors through email, that is.

They will be short. Because that is how they’re meant to be. But. An amateur can never do proper justice to your email series.

These emails will be written only after the full project is completed and the full payment has been received. I’ll only start writing these emails after that. No extra charge if the project is awarded within March though. ๐Ÿ˜›

But.

A good email series can be the difference in achieving a 0.5{ed162fdde9fdc472551df9f31f04601345edf7e4eff6ea93114402690d8fa616} conversion rate or a 3{ed162fdde9fdc472551df9f31f04601345edf7e4eff6ea93114402690d8fa616} or higher conversion rate. So 600{ed162fdde9fdc472551df9f31f04601345edf7e4eff6ea93114402690d8fa616} the business with the same effort!

Reply to this email if you’re still interested.

You need to confirm within the end of March to avail this time bound offer.

The previous offer still stands, without any limitation of time. ๐Ÿ™‚

Thank You so much, God Bless!

Aakshey Talwar

P.S. Looking forward to your response, hopefully a positive one!

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Landing Page Copy For U&I (Demo – Aakshey)

Make way for the world’s only Intelligent Collaborative Distribution Network!

Exclusively focussing on Information Technology & Telecommunications

Video

Hold on. What is an Intelligent Collaborative Distribution Network?

U&I operates the world’s only inventory less comprehensive distribution network. We channelise the available shared infrastructure so that resource wastage is minimised.

This may be a bit difficult to adjust your mind to in the first go, as this is something unprecedented.

Think of it this way.

When you go to a restaurant, the restaurant doesn’t have a separate chef for each of its customers.

They have one, maybe two main chefs who balance their time and ensure a balance of delivery time, customer satisfaction and profitability for the restaurant owner. I’m sure you agree with that. Don’t you?

Unfortunately, this isn’t what is happening in the IT Distribution Network in India right now. And U&I is here to solve this bleeding neck problem of yours.

The U&I Edge

Comprehensive Distribution
We have ties with 123 Distributers, 123 Vendors, 123 Retail Units and 123 Sales Consultants in over a 1000 Indian cities across all 36 states of India. And you can partner all of them by just fixing a call with us!

Real-Time Analytics & Big Data
Get detailed real-time insight and information across several metrics, about your industry, sales, inventory, competition and a lot more, using U&I’s proprietary CRM.

Advanced CRM
Use your advanced custom software (PC, iOS and Android) to track every single of your tasks, from inventory to dues payable and a lot more.

Manage Your Finances
Our software minimises your losses by hedging your cash flow and realising possible credit risks well in advance.

Local Sales Consultants
A country like India is a conglomerate of cultures. And the sales process needs to be tweaked from one district to the next. You get instant access to over 1200 sales consultants who are master salesmen within their respective districts.

Increase Your Sales
We help you sell more units by streamlining your inventory management and helping with accurate supply and demand forecasts using your cutting edge technology. Sell more units while spending less to bring in those sales.

Execute A Pull Based Supply Chain Network
This results in a more responsive and agile distribution channel that not only costs less per unit but helps sell more of them.

Promote Your Product
You’ll gain access to infrastructure and resources that will allow you quick, easy and economical product promotions and advertising across all 36 states of India.

Do What You Do Best
All of the above allow you to focus more on your product rather than trying to distribute it a vast country like India that is impossible for a small business or even funded startup! Leave that to us.

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Email to HeadphoneZone.in (Successful)

Hey Raghav,

This is Aakshey Talwar from New Delhi. I have been trying to get in touch with you directly, through your IVR. But haven’t been successful yet. Hence this email to you.

The work you’ve done with HeadphoneZone.in so far is impressive. Schiit, Audeze and the other brands you’ve got here at such reasonable prices, is really commendable.

Honestly, you’re one of the few startups I’m truly impressed with. Anybody can lose somebody else’s dollars. But. What you’re doing right here is a really BIG achievement.

I decided to write this email to you when I listened to your IVR messages on the phone. One of a kind. Just my style. Something that only the best copywriters and marketers understand and you are able to deliver that so well.

Your unique approach with your IVR and even other elements of your web design etc, truly stand out. Even your web copy is above average for a small business. Even by international standards.

Anyway.

Why I wanted to get in touch with you?

There is a Whatsapp audiophile group by the name of Audiophilia. With over 40 members, mostly Indians, but a few foreigners as well. The group also includes important Audio people including:

Sennheiser India’s Head of Marketing
Owner of Lakhozy
Distributer of iFi Audio in India
Owner of Hifinage.com
Eminent Hifivision.com members like Hari, Keath etc.
Eminent TE members like Chaos
A moderator from Erodov forums
And many fun loving audiophiles.

So.

I’d like to invite you to become a member of this group. You can help this small audiophile community in many ways. Like making it larger. And many other ways.

You can add me : +91-9910623813
And I’ll add you.

I would also like to talk with you once over phone. May I please have your mobile number?

I wish you every success in your business. And I hope you’ll answer this email soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

Thank You so much, God Bless!

Aakshey

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Marketing Quotes

1. If you have a great product or service, it is your duty to market it well. Your prospect needs it but doesn’t know it yet. It is in your prospect’s best interest to buy from you. Make it happen!

2. You know your MARCOM department is doing its job when the will of the buyer to purchase from you is greater than your will to sell to him.

Inspired by Jeff Walker and Perry Marshall respectively. Revamped by Aakshey Talwar.

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Landing Page Copy U&I (Dummy Draft)

Make way for the world’s only Intelligent Collaborative Distribution Network!

Exclusively focussing on Information Technology & Telecommunications

Video

Hold on. What is an Intelligent Collaborative Distribution Network?

U&I operates the world’s only inventory less comprehensive distribution network. We channelise the available shared infrastructure so that resource wastage is minimised.

This may be a bit difficult to adjust your mind to in the first go, as this is something unprecedented.

Think of it this way.

When you go to a restaurant, the restaurant doesn’t have a separate chef for each of their customers.

They have one, maybe two main chefs who balance their time and ensure a balance of delivery time, customer satisfaction and profitability for the restaurant owner. I’m sure you agree with that. Don’t you?

Unfortunately, this isn’t what is happening in the IT Distribution Network in India right now. And U&I is here to solve this bleeding neck problem of yours.

The U&I Edge

Comprehensive Distribution
We have ties with 123 Distributers, 123 Vendors, 123 Retail Units and 123 Sales Consultants in over a 1000 Indian cities across all 36 states of India. And you can partner all of them by just fixing a call with us!

Real-Time Analytics & Big Data
Get detailed real-time insight and information across several metrics, about your industry, sales, inventory, competition and a lot more, using U&I’s proprietary CRM.

Advanced CRM
Use your advanced custom software (PC, iOS and Android) to track every single of your tasks, from inventory to dues payable and a lot more.

Manage Your Finances
Our software minimises your losses by hedging your cash flow and realising possible credit risks well in advance.

Local Sales Consultants
A country like India is a conglomerate of cultures. And the sales process needs to be tweaked from one district to the next. You get instant access to over 1200 sales consultants who are master salesmen within their respective districts.

Increase Your Sales
We help you sell more units by streamlining your inventory management and helping with accurate supply and demand forecasts using your cutting edge technology. Sell more units while spending less to bring in those sales.

Execute A Pull Based Supply Chain Network
This results in a more responsive and agile distribution channel that not only costs less per unit but helps sell more of them.

Promote Your Product
You’ll gain access to infrastructure and resources that will allow you quick, easy and economical product promotions and advertising across all 36 states of India.

Do What You Do Best
All of the above allow you to focus more on your product rather than trying to distribute it a vast country like India that is impossible for a small business or even funded startup! Leave that to us.

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Newsletter Front Page (Dummy)

From The Doctor’s Desk

From The Desk Of Dr. John Smith
XYZ Hospital, Mumbai, INDIA
28th February 2016

Dear Patient,

I have been using various LASIK machines for over a decade now. And I’m grateful to God that LASIK machines today are far easier to operate, quicker and less painful as compared to when I first started out.

But what hasn’t changed is that LASIK was safe then, and it is even safer now.

I’m sure you’d have heard horror stories about LASIK over the years. And truth be told, I have talked to patients first hand who experienced the original issues associated with LASIK. And to be honest, many of those issues were caused by inexperienced surgeons rather than inadequate technology. And I consider myself blessed that at our eye hospital, LASIK casualties are almost unheard of.

I’d like to share some developments that have happened at Adityajyoth.

Our hospital has brought in a new machine for LASIK – EX500. And this has taken the entire experience of the patient to a whole new level.

The EX500 has several powerful benefits over its predecessors. To tell you about some briefly:

Far less discomfort

Significantly reduced risk of contracting an eye infection

More stable vision and often quicker. Several patients report a clearer vision within moments of the operation.

Less pain compared to its predecessor (PRK)

And that’s not all.

At our eye hospital we also offer SBK (Sub-Bowman’s Keratomileusis) aka Thin-Flap LASIK. And of course SBK also offers advantages of its own. To explain a few:

It is absolutely painless and highly efficacious thanks to the all-laser blade-less technology.

A more natural and stable cornea that is less altered and results in eyes that aren’t as dry. This happens because fewer nerves are cut due to a thinner flap of cornea being cut.

And of course SBK is even safer than previous LASIK technologies that were already pretty safe.

I could have wasted your time on technicalities, but I’m sure you wouldn’t enjoy that. So I’ll be sharing more about the technology as this newsletter progresses.

I sincerely thank you for taking out your precious time to read this newsletter. I hope you find this newsletter worthwhile, as I have tried my best to ensure what reaches you is a no-nonsense newsletter that aims to clear general misconceptions about LASIK.

Thank You & God Bless!

Dr.John Smith
HOD – Cornea
XYZ Hospital

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Landing Page Copy (Dummy – Incomplete – R Systems)

DATE, Washington:

The US Federal Government Appoints R Systems Ltd For America’s Nationwide Health Information Network (NHIN)

R Systems is alone responsible for securing and scaling America’s NHIN to industry standards as per HIPAA norms.

Why do you think America handed over such a critical project to us?

Of course you realize that Washington won’t do this solely on the basis of competitive bidding. And nor is mere capability and technology enough to land one with something that is so crucial for Americans.

Moreover, year after year, several state and central government departments in USA have awarded several important projects to R Systems. So. How come biggies like Infosys and Accenture didn’t get those projects and they landed up at R Systems?

Obviously you know that there are literally thousands of software companies in the world. And several hundred of them are within the States. All these companies are very competitive in their pricing and even as far as technology is concerned.

But there is something that R Systems takes a bit too seriously. And although this causes us to lose a few big clients, but often it does just the reverse. That is it hooks up those big fishes to R Systems for years.

What is that we are talking about here? What is this secret ingredient?

R Systems founder Rekhi Singh started the company in 1993 with a few core values in mind. And fortunately, these core values bring in quite a bit of business for the company even today.

We will let the man himself tell you about the core values that make R Systems so special.

From the Desk of Rekhi Singh
MD & Founder, R Systems Ltd
1st January 2016, Noida, NCR, INDIA

Rekhi here.

I’ll keep this section short. I know you’re waiting to hear what was promised and I’ll come straight to that.

The R Secret Sauce

Trust

I believe that our clients should be able to trust us. I believe in forming a personal bond between Team R and every single one of our clients. If as a client you trust us, I feel I don’t need to try too hard to make a sale. And once that happens, I’m sure you’ll automatically consider me for all your confidential and critical projects.

Emotions

A client isn’t a paycheck for me. A client is a friend who makes my life easier and better. And in return I feel obliged to keep my end of the bargain. And this emotional and personal relationship is what makes R Systems so unique. Also. This trickles down to Team R as well.

Learn Before You Earn

I believe a person should perfect his learning before he even thinks of earning. If you perfect your learning, earnings will automatically follow. And this is what I imbibe in Team R. I encourage them to learn for the sake of learning. Rather than to rush and mess projects in hand. And touch wood, it couldn’t have worked better. After all, if you already master a technology when it is in its beta stage, you are already way ahead of your competition.

And lastly, Time Management

It is said that if you master your time, you become the creator of your own destiny. And the philosophy we follow at R allows us to deliver projects before time, every time. While ensuring that Team R isn’t overworked or stressed out. So that brings about the best in them. And at the same time, resources are efficiently utilized between projects.

That is it my friend.

These 4 pillars are what hold the R Systems business together.

I’d like to take your leave now, God Bless!

Rekhi

As you saw, Mr.MD did a great job of explaining why he believes his company is doing so well.

I’m not saying we are the only company or even the best company out there. Far from it. But what Team R promises to you is that we will make your project with us an experience. And not merely a piece of code that will get outdated as time passes.

And all this doesn’t come at a premium either.

We take up projects of all sizes, of all types and from just about anybody who wants to do business with us.

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